sorry

thats just fucking brilliant, bravo bernice bravo.
is there anyone else's life you would like to fuck up whilst you're at it?
i can't say sorry enough. i didn't want to drag anyone down with me, i should of just left you alone. you were happy and i ruined it; just like i ruin everything. i'll make this better i have to make this better.
lets just have things go back to the way they were ;/


i told you everyone leaves in the end.

guilt

i don't understand how you can be so nice to me, maybe its guilt, maybe its the fact you know you're part of the reason i'm like this and you feel sorta bad.
i wonder what it would be like if you knew nothing about this, do you think you'd still be so nice?
i honestly do not understand how you can call yourself a friend, its a joke.

'things will get better' - i don't really see that happening, i'm trying i am but i just feel like its a waste of time. a friend once said, "it doesn't just go away bernice, you can't stop it, its going to happen again." why should i try if its just going to happen again then?

i find it hilarious how a month ago i was fine and dandy. its crazy how much can change in such a short period time.

its a cruel world isn't it?

faded

so well done guys, now you all decide to 'be there for me'; where have you been for the past month? i didn't just need you for an hour last night, i've needed you all along and you haven't been there. most of you have been utter cunts recently but now its okay to be my best friends again? just because you'd probably feel a little guilty if anything were to happen.
i'm not saying i'm not thankful because of course i am, but i give it another day until all the hype has warn off and you all forget again.

also how're you, or how're you feeling are really idiotic questions, its quite obvious i'm not doing too good so please restrain yourself from asking that. thank you.

its too little too late.

you do it to yourself

its an odd feeling really, unwanted, useless, helpless, alone.

no one will lend a hand, no one will relieve the pain, no one will care

would anyone be upset? would anyone give a second thought about it after the shock had warn off? would anyone even notice?


its just a waste of space really. its in the way. its taking up too much time and effort for everyones liking.

its over.

;/

did you know it only takes an hour for you to die if you take an overdose, and even if you get it out of your system before the hour is up you;ll die eventually you'll need a liver transplant because you've fucked up your body so much. crazy isn't it? easy way to go though, if you're into that sorta stuff i mean.

i find it funny how people can call themselves your 'best friends' but then when you need them the most they are no where to be found, yeah great friends you are.


i wish i wasn't so afraid of you, i wish i could just tell you how much i dislike you and how shit you make me feel. i would be able to do that if you didn't twist everything and make me look like the biggest cunt known to man. i'd like to see you live my life for just a day, see how you feel after 24 hours.





oh but on a happier note, my cousin mason made my day with his cuteness :}♥

the act

its all a big act if you think about it, the smile, and the laughs, its not real i mean of course its not real. you could never really be happy when everything that made you happy has slowly vanished into nothing but hate and anger. and who really wants to live like that anyway? probably no one so why do it, why not just give up on the world, it seems like it gave up on you a long time ago. what do you have going for you right now? jack shit, and yes it may get better but how long will it take to get better, do you really want to be feeling like this for weeks, months even? i don't think so, why not just end it now? why not just end it all? they'll be consequences but everything has some sort of consequence so it doesn't really matter. it may just be time to give up.

hate

this will be the last one for tonight i promise. i just like doing this it gets things off my chest even if noone does read it, and even if noone cares, and even if some people decide to call me 'attention seeking' or 'pathetic' i don't really mind because this helps, and if you don't like it stop reading?

i hate being 'the friend' i hate the fact i'm never going to be more than 'the friend', i hate the fact you come to me with your relationship problems, i hate feeling like you're slowly slipping away from me, and i hate how god damn happy you make me.

i hate how i can't stick up for myself, i hate how i get treated like shit all the time, i hate how noone ever notices my 'progress' and i hate how fake so many people are

i hate how i can't talk to you anymore, i hate how we're never going to be friends, i hate how you hate me even if you say you don't, and i hate how much i want thing to change

i hate how i fail at everything i do, i hate how my family are so dysfunctional, and i hate how helpless i feel.

i hate how i never know what to say anymore, i hate how you sign off msn without saying bye its really fucking rude, and i hate it how you just make no effort what so ever

BUT MOST OF ALL I HATE HOW I CANNOT STOP BLOGGING!

breathe me

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
I hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch

I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

I think this song describes me pretty well, but it won't for much longer i'm sick and tired of being that song its time to change the record, its time to stop doing stupid things, its time to be a role model, its time for a new start, its time to focus on the future and forget about the past, its time to make the most of now, its time to live my fucking life and stop caring so much

ps. Hope means the world to me and i couldn't do any of these things without her; thankyou for making me happy again.

bumming action

now before i get started this is not about florence scott, incase you pathetic little twats decide to cause an argument between me and her, its nothing to do with her so suck out
however it is about two certain people that some of you may know quite well and some of you may not know at all. yes they piss me off an awful lotttttt! i mean honestly, how long have you known and spoken to eachother? about two weeks i'm guessing, and you're all loved up? yeah i really don't think so, why don't you both grow the fuck up and stop bumming eachother like crazy, honestly you're so far up eachothers butts you could be puppets. and is there really a need to comment on every single status you both write? and that fucking 'obsession' you have jessssssusssssss WHO GIVES TWO FLYING FUCKS!? STOP GOING ON ABOUT IT
i realllllly hope you end up going out too, just so i can see it faaaaail
and how you both think you're really original cracks me up you're not in the slightest you're both just wannabes so get a grip and stop being stupid dicks
i think this phase will last a month tops, and then you'll get bored of one another and move on to the next have fun whilst it lasts cunts :}

happy fucking christmas

feeling alot like scrooge right now, christmas time is just not for me. sure its fine when you get shit loads of presents but the excitement of that doesn't last very long, plus your family get drunk and start talking about sex positions,you have to listen to crappy disco music from the 70s, your friends start being cunts and you realise that you don't really have alot going for you at the moment. i want that remote from click more than anything, mainly to rewind and pause when i had everything that i could of wanted when things were absolutly perfect, i just wouldn't like the remote to go crazy like it does in that movie that was pretty suckish |: i can safely say i cannot fucking wait for this year to be over and done with, and yes i know everyone says this and its extremely cliche but next year i'm going to get my act together and have a great year 2009 can suck my cock. of course it wasn't all bad alot of it was pretty amazing actually, but after these past few months what i need is a fresh start. i cannot wait to get back to my old self, the nice happy bubbly bernice not this miserable moody paranoid one. debating on whether to get catastrophically fucked or to just go upstairs with a cuppa and watch OTH
i think i should stop rambling now |:
HAPPPY BLOGGING!
and I LOVE HOPE POWELL EDDY SHE MAKES ME HAPPY WHEN I'M DOWN(L)