i want

i want to be happy
i want everyone to stop being so fake
i want to be older
i want something new
i want to stop being so bored
i want to stop caring about you
i want to go back in time
i want to things to change
i want to be normal
i want it to snow all the time so i never have to go to school
i want you to stop thinking the world revolves around you
i want to be friends
i want to stop moaning
i want you.


i want doesn't get

the same routine

i definitely need something or someone new in my life, i am so sick of doing the same thing day in day out. i need someone to wake me up and make things exciting again.
i find it hard pulling myself out of bed in the morning because i have nothing to look forward to and i know its going to be another 'fun filled' day
i want to start something new, maybe learn an instrument? it will keep me occupied for a bit i guess, although i can't see me being all that talented with any sort of instrument

someone said to me today 'everything happens for a reason' i'm starting to realise that is actually true. you may not like what has happened but in the end its only going to make things better so suck it up

change

so i'm turning a new leaf, starting over, changing, call it whatever you like thats exactly what i'm doing.
recently all i seem to do is push people further and further away from me, for no reason what so ever. i get angry and then i end up saying stuff i don't mean and it ends in tears and fights. even when people haven't done anything to me i still find a way to be pissed off at them its rediculous
therefore i have decided to make amends with all the people i have got into arguments with, i want my friends back, my real friends. i need them back.
i'm sick of all the pathetic arguments, the bitching, the awkwardness.

i cannot wait for the future :}

HAPPPPPPPPPPPPY TIMESSSS FROM NOW ON

sorry

thats just fucking brilliant, bravo bernice bravo.
is there anyone else's life you would like to fuck up whilst you're at it?
i can't say sorry enough. i didn't want to drag anyone down with me, i should of just left you alone. you were happy and i ruined it; just like i ruin everything. i'll make this better i have to make this better.
lets just have things go back to the way they were ;/


i told you everyone leaves in the end.

guilt

i don't understand how you can be so nice to me, maybe its guilt, maybe its the fact you know you're part of the reason i'm like this and you feel sorta bad.
i wonder what it would be like if you knew nothing about this, do you think you'd still be so nice?
i honestly do not understand how you can call yourself a friend, its a joke.

'things will get better' - i don't really see that happening, i'm trying i am but i just feel like its a waste of time. a friend once said, "it doesn't just go away bernice, you can't stop it, its going to happen again." why should i try if its just going to happen again then?

i find it hilarious how a month ago i was fine and dandy. its crazy how much can change in such a short period time.

its a cruel world isn't it?

faded

so well done guys, now you all decide to 'be there for me'; where have you been for the past month? i didn't just need you for an hour last night, i've needed you all along and you haven't been there. most of you have been utter cunts recently but now its okay to be my best friends again? just because you'd probably feel a little guilty if anything were to happen.
i'm not saying i'm not thankful because of course i am, but i give it another day until all the hype has warn off and you all forget again.

also how're you, or how're you feeling are really idiotic questions, its quite obvious i'm not doing too good so please restrain yourself from asking that. thank you.

its too little too late.

you do it to yourself

its an odd feeling really, unwanted, useless, helpless, alone.

no one will lend a hand, no one will relieve the pain, no one will care

would anyone be upset? would anyone give a second thought about it after the shock had warn off? would anyone even notice?


its just a waste of space really. its in the way. its taking up too much time and effort for everyones liking.

its over.